So it seems trying to regularly write in this blog is about the same as trying to "diet"...I am getting no where! I am successful at getting nowhere...Now thats a good slogan!
I truly dont understand why I'm not making any progress, okay well thats a lie!! I do know, its called alcohol and that overwhelming desire to inhale any food that comes my way whether it be biscuits and cheese or chocolate! When I drink I am like a hoover vacuum cleaner...NO SCRAPS HERE!!!
The hardest part about losing weight is definitely changing your mindset! And it drives me nuts that for some people it just comes so easy. I can bust my arse eating only 1400 calories a day, 2 litres of water and exercise at least 4 times a week and get nowhere and yet there always seems to be someone who can just eat protein and drink some water and maybe go for a short 30 minute walk and they are losing 10kg's???
So currently my mindset is...no actually I am not going to share that, no one wants to read a newly single mums potty mouth! So lets just stick with "frustrated" as the mindset shall we??
I am frustrated that my skinny arse partner could eat out at Sizzlers everyday of the week and still not get fat
Im frustrated that everyone keeps telling me that I am beautiful and that I look good considering I have just had a baby...the word considering in that sentences kind of defeats the compliment doesnt it? I dont want to just look beautiful, I want to FEEL beautiful and right now I am so far from that place!
I am frustrated that although I may think I look "nice" in the mirror before I go somewhere I then catch a glimpse of myself in the basket robbins window (just browsing it's ok) and I look fat and frumpy and notice that those "sucky inny" knickers just push all my unwanted cuddly bits up around my boobs, when I sit down my neck joins my boobs and I am just one large sausage that talks too much!!!
So frustrated I am and frustrated I will stay unless I can figure out what is going on...or I guess what is not going on or off!
oh and by the way whose stupid idea was it for me to buy a packet of bloody mint slices?!?!?!?!?!?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The scariest thing you will ever see...
Getting back onto the weightloss bandwagon is hardwork dagnammit...I have been "dieting" since the beginning of this month and only today did I have my first piece of chocolate in three weeks (a 50% less fat mint pattie...exciting much?) I practically inhaled it, it disappeared faster than the speed of light and I could have eaten another 5...Its amazing how addicted one can become to chocolate or even food in general.
Last week I was a nutcase, nagging and bitching and just being a general pain in the arse...even while I was doing it (or saying it), I was thinking to myself "SHUT UP Tess!!!! No one cares if the cutlery is left on the sink and not in the cup to drain, no one cares the towels weren't hung out evenly, no one cares that there is water on the bathroom sink"...but I just couldn't stop! So after Pete told to me "calm the F down" and stormed out of the room and I cried a few "woe is me" tears I realised why I was being such a crazy pain the royal arse....
I was having withdrawals from chocolate and sugar...once I realised, it made SO much sense!
Before my "diet" (no wait lets call it "healthy lifestyle change") I was a true chocolate freak! I could smell chocolate before it even made it through the front door in the grocery bags, I was like an over eager puppy, luckily I am very well toilet trained and dont pee on the floor when I get excited. I would eat 5 mint slices in one go, plus hot chocolates, plus tim tams plus plus PLUS...it was insane and disgusting.
So note to self: Should I ever have to plan wedding, dieting and NOT eating chocolate is forbidden, god its even too scary to imagine...
Oh and diet tip #1: Use the microwave door as a mirror, unforgiving bathroom mirrors no longer needed...
Last week I was a nutcase, nagging and bitching and just being a general pain in the arse...even while I was doing it (or saying it), I was thinking to myself "SHUT UP Tess!!!! No one cares if the cutlery is left on the sink and not in the cup to drain, no one cares the towels weren't hung out evenly, no one cares that there is water on the bathroom sink"...but I just couldn't stop! So after Pete told to me "calm the F down" and stormed out of the room and I cried a few "woe is me" tears I realised why I was being such a crazy pain the royal arse....
I was having withdrawals from chocolate and sugar...once I realised, it made SO much sense!
Before my "diet" (no wait lets call it "healthy lifestyle change") I was a true chocolate freak! I could smell chocolate before it even made it through the front door in the grocery bags, I was like an over eager puppy, luckily I am very well toilet trained and dont pee on the floor when I get excited. I would eat 5 mint slices in one go, plus hot chocolates, plus tim tams plus plus PLUS...it was insane and disgusting.
So note to self: Should I ever have to plan wedding, dieting and NOT eating chocolate is forbidden, god its even too scary to imagine...
Oh and diet tip #1: Use the microwave door as a mirror, unforgiving bathroom mirrors no longer needed...
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Tears, tantrums and pickles
Have you ever had a craving for something and thought to yourself "I must pick some of that up when I am at the supermarket again"? Well getting a craving when you are pregnant is like be possessed by a very scary 4 year old child demanding a kinder surprise at the supermarket checkout. It takes over, all you can think about is that particular item of food. Sometimes it isn't even food...
I believe a beautiful friend of mine nearly jumped over a boost juice counter when they told her they "didn't do just orange juice with pulp" (yes Kimi I may be talking about you =)...
I once had a craving for pickles that was so strong I nearly knocked over a little old lady in the supermarket to get to that golden jar. I would have eaten them then and there in the "condiments, pasta sauce and of course pickle" aisle but my wonderful boyfriend (although he risked losing an eye) wouldn't let me.
It is hard to explain (and I can quite confidently say that I though it was all a lot of bogus before I fell pregnant) but it takes over your brain and you have to have it. And they come at the most unusual times. Just the other day I woke up with an instant craving for a vanilla sponge cupcake with pink icing...
Now all these cravings aren't really being so helpful when it comes to not trying to gain too much weight whilst this little peanut grows inside me (oh god even my unborn baby has a reference to food) but at least on the upside I also cannot get enough fruit. In the beginning I ate half a watermelon in one sitting, quickly following by a couple of mango's. And then I would proceed to moan and groan about how crap I felt and I how much I hated "him" (the boyfriend) for getting me pregnant. I can only assume he is now very relieved that I am no longer suffering morning sickness.
However, that was short lived after he realised he would now have to be prepared for me bursting into tears after reading soppy wedding proposals...
I believe a beautiful friend of mine nearly jumped over a boost juice counter when they told her they "didn't do just orange juice with pulp" (yes Kimi I may be talking about you =)...
I once had a craving for pickles that was so strong I nearly knocked over a little old lady in the supermarket to get to that golden jar. I would have eaten them then and there in the "condiments, pasta sauce and of course pickle" aisle but my wonderful boyfriend (although he risked losing an eye) wouldn't let me.
It is hard to explain (and I can quite confidently say that I though it was all a lot of bogus before I fell pregnant) but it takes over your brain and you have to have it. And they come at the most unusual times. Just the other day I woke up with an instant craving for a vanilla sponge cupcake with pink icing...
Now all these cravings aren't really being so helpful when it comes to not trying to gain too much weight whilst this little peanut grows inside me (oh god even my unborn baby has a reference to food) but at least on the upside I also cannot get enough fruit. In the beginning I ate half a watermelon in one sitting, quickly following by a couple of mango's. And then I would proceed to moan and groan about how crap I felt and I how much I hated "him" (the boyfriend) for getting me pregnant. I can only assume he is now very relieved that I am no longer suffering morning sickness.
However, that was short lived after he realised he would now have to be prepared for me bursting into tears after reading soppy wedding proposals...
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Getting fat and squishy watermelons….
So after much neglect I am returning to my little blog world. Current population? Well just me…
Just going to give a little rundown on what has been happening for me over the last few months. So just a little a note for my fellow "fat fighting" peeps…getting pregnant is not a good idea for winning this battle. Yes yes that’s right I fell pregnant, much to me and my personal trainer's dismay (though I don't know what he was complaining about, he still got paid even though I didn't go)
Me.Oh.My finding out was such a joyous time (insert four year old sarcastic tone here). Let me just set a little scene for you. It was a normal Tuesday in November, where for some crazy reason I felt like vomiting and passing out, now I was just blaming this on the rather large few weekends I had had and thought it was a prolonged hangover but alas I was wrong. Turns out, after rushing to the chemist (after a rather pushy, yet amazing much loved, friend forced me) purchased the most expensive pregnancy test on the shelf, and performing the il-fated test…I was pregnant. I think I cried, then laughed then cried some more. I was like one of those crazy ladies in a mental asylum that laughs at funerals and cries on birthdays. It was not pretty.
So after four more home tests and a trip to the doctor it was definitely confirmed. I was growing a human inside my already "too large" stomach.
Now over the last few weeks (I was 5 weeks when we found out and I am now nearly 19 weeks) it has been nothing short of a roller coaster. We have moved into a ridiculous apartment with four flights of stairs, so we are on the house hunting bandwagon yet again and oh what fun that is. I have had disgusting morning/morning tea/lunch/afternoon tea/dinner sickness which feels like I have had many weeks of drinking copious amounts of alcohol, getting home at 4am and still not being able to throw up. It truly is a wonderful feeling and I cannot wait to put myself through this again...oh and I have turned into a really grumpy grandma that makes the crazy cat lady from the simpsons look normal.
Now don't get me wrong creating a family is amazing but being pregnant is NOT.
On the upside there is all the mushy stuff like seeing your little peanut in the first ultrasound, feeling the first movement and having my wonderful boyfriend dote on me night and day.
Now I know that this blog is about losing weight but really how much more interesting will it be for my readers (i.e. me reading back over what I have written ten times), if it is about GETTING fat, squeezing a rather long squishy watermelon out of my lady lumps, being sleep deprived and YET still being determined to be fit, healthy and beautiful???
Not to mention I can only vent so much on Facebook before people start deleting me…
Just going to give a little rundown on what has been happening for me over the last few months. So just a little a note for my fellow "fat fighting" peeps…getting pregnant is not a good idea for winning this battle. Yes yes that’s right I fell pregnant, much to me and my personal trainer's dismay (though I don't know what he was complaining about, he still got paid even though I didn't go)
Me.Oh.My finding out was such a joyous time (insert four year old sarcastic tone here). Let me just set a little scene for you. It was a normal Tuesday in November, where for some crazy reason I felt like vomiting and passing out, now I was just blaming this on the rather large few weekends I had had and thought it was a prolonged hangover but alas I was wrong. Turns out, after rushing to the chemist (after a rather pushy, yet amazing much loved, friend forced me) purchased the most expensive pregnancy test on the shelf, and performing the il-fated test…I was pregnant. I think I cried, then laughed then cried some more. I was like one of those crazy ladies in a mental asylum that laughs at funerals and cries on birthdays. It was not pretty.
So after four more home tests and a trip to the doctor it was definitely confirmed. I was growing a human inside my already "too large" stomach.
Now over the last few weeks (I was 5 weeks when we found out and I am now nearly 19 weeks) it has been nothing short of a roller coaster. We have moved into a ridiculous apartment with four flights of stairs, so we are on the house hunting bandwagon yet again and oh what fun that is. I have had disgusting morning/morning tea/lunch/afternoon tea/dinner sickness which feels like I have had many weeks of drinking copious amounts of alcohol, getting home at 4am and still not being able to throw up. It truly is a wonderful feeling and I cannot wait to put myself through this again...oh and I have turned into a really grumpy grandma that makes the crazy cat lady from the simpsons look normal.
Now don't get me wrong creating a family is amazing but being pregnant is NOT.
On the upside there is all the mushy stuff like seeing your little peanut in the first ultrasound, feeling the first movement and having my wonderful boyfriend dote on me night and day.
Now I know that this blog is about losing weight but really how much more interesting will it be for my readers (i.e. me reading back over what I have written ten times), if it is about GETTING fat, squeezing a rather long squishy watermelon out of my lady lumps, being sleep deprived and YET still being determined to be fit, healthy and beautiful???
Not to mention I can only vent so much on Facebook before people start deleting me…
Monday, September 28, 2009
Alcohol is the root of all evil
So as shocked as you might be to hear this alcohol and weightloss DO NOT go together very well...I know this is shocking news and I am currently thinking of some miraculous amazing alcohol that can be consumed and does not end up settling on my arse...
It's funny because no matter how many people tried to tell me this I would not listen. I guess I needed to see it for myself. I had see it give me yet another damned hangover, I had to see it make me eat that hot dog, I had to see it make me want to have KFC the morning after and I had to see it gobble up any good work I had done the weeks before.
Alcohol will be the end of any progress I have made and quite frankly has been. It is like walking the down an UP escalator. You will get there in the end but only if you run fast enough and honestly I freakin hate running so that solves that. There is not an alcohol in this world (hence why I am in innovation mode) that doesn't make you hungry or convince you that shotting straight vodka is a good idea. (just a note even straight vodka still has calories and also comes with a complimentary little voice telling you to eat that gigantic Big Mac in the taxi on the way home).
I am becoming a Monday to Friday Weight Watcher, it's like my other full time job and I get to relax on the weekend. SO it now looks like I am going to have to start working 7 days a week 24 hours a day and I am going to do it all for free because thats just the type of person I am...most of the time!
It's funny because no matter how many people tried to tell me this I would not listen. I guess I needed to see it for myself. I had see it give me yet another damned hangover, I had to see it make me eat that hot dog, I had to see it make me want to have KFC the morning after and I had to see it gobble up any good work I had done the weeks before.
Alcohol will be the end of any progress I have made and quite frankly has been. It is like walking the down an UP escalator. You will get there in the end but only if you run fast enough and honestly I freakin hate running so that solves that. There is not an alcohol in this world (hence why I am in innovation mode) that doesn't make you hungry or convince you that shotting straight vodka is a good idea. (just a note even straight vodka still has calories and also comes with a complimentary little voice telling you to eat that gigantic Big Mac in the taxi on the way home).
I am becoming a Monday to Friday Weight Watcher, it's like my other full time job and I get to relax on the weekend. SO it now looks like I am going to have to start working 7 days a week 24 hours a day and I am going to do it all for free because thats just the type of person I am...most of the time!
Monday, September 14, 2009
I know what you did the in the dressing room...
I am sure at some level most people can relate to this but to us "soon to be reformed" fatty's (as I am one I am allowed to use this term) a dressing room is the epitome of hell. Sometimes I would rather walk through a bonfire, ride on the giant drop, sit through a 5 day test match and probably give away all my shoes, than see myself from ten different angles in a fluorescent dressing room.
See I love shopping, no wait I love the idea of shopping. I love the Sex and the City idea of shopping. Glamorous, no budget shopping....then I catch my reflection in the donut king window.
So when I try clothes on I avoid the mirrors like the plague. It's simple really keep your head down at all times and only look up when 1. you feel that dress actually fits and all your bits are covered or 2. when you can't manage to do your bra back up. Now get out of there as fast as you can and try to dump the clothes on random hangers as quickly as possible before someone asks you "so how did they go"?...And you think "same as last time you silly skinny bitch..."
All joking aside I am actually beginning to believe that this is going to work. I can't believe I have never tried weight watchers before. I have always heard people raving about it but I didn't believe that it would work. But there are thousands of ladies (and men) of this program that have lost huge amounts of weight and have kept it off...these people are my motivation to keep my sticky hands out of newly packaged cadbury chocolate blocks...
See I love shopping, no wait I love the idea of shopping. I love the Sex and the City idea of shopping. Glamorous, no budget shopping....then I catch my reflection in the donut king window.
So when I try clothes on I avoid the mirrors like the plague. It's simple really keep your head down at all times and only look up when 1. you feel that dress actually fits and all your bits are covered or 2. when you can't manage to do your bra back up. Now get out of there as fast as you can and try to dump the clothes on random hangers as quickly as possible before someone asks you "so how did they go"?...And you think "same as last time you silly skinny bitch..."
All joking aside I am actually beginning to believe that this is going to work. I can't believe I have never tried weight watchers before. I have always heard people raving about it but I didn't believe that it would work. But there are thousands of ladies (and men) of this program that have lost huge amounts of weight and have kept it off...these people are my motivation to keep my sticky hands out of newly packaged cadbury chocolate blocks...
Friday, September 11, 2009
Studying and eating may make you fat...er
So for some daft reason I thought it would be a great idea to start a diploma in property services. Now normally this is a great idea you know further my career and knowledge "yada yada " you know how it goes but I am not sure this was such a great idea whilse trying to lose weight.
Why is it that eating and studying seem to go hand in hand? Wait is this just me???
As soon as I sit down to "study" (which usually leads to me watching repeats of sex and the city actually I would watch antique roadshow to avoid reading about property legislation) I start thinking about food...
"Mmmm god that chocolate mudcake would be awesome right now"
OR " maybe a glass of wine and some cheese would be help me concetrate?"...(doubtful very doubtful).
I think I have come to a conclusion...
Maybe I should stop working full time and become a student with no money so I couldn't afford proper food...now that sounds like a failsafe way to avoid all things dangerous, that is besides cask wine and two minute noodles...
Why is it that eating and studying seem to go hand in hand? Wait is this just me???
As soon as I sit down to "study" (which usually leads to me watching repeats of sex and the city actually I would watch antique roadshow to avoid reading about property legislation) I start thinking about food...
"Mmmm god that chocolate mudcake would be awesome right now"
OR " maybe a glass of wine and some cheese would be help me concetrate?"...(doubtful very doubtful).
I think I have come to a conclusion...
Maybe I should stop working full time and become a student with no money so I couldn't afford proper food...now that sounds like a failsafe way to avoid all things dangerous, that is besides cask wine and two minute noodles...
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